Choosing The Gender Of Your Baby

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Temper Tantrum

Even the best behaved toddler has an occasional temper tantrum. A tantrum can range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. They’re equally common in boys and girls and usually occur from age 1 to age 3. Some children may experience regular tantrums, whereas for other children, tantrums may be rare. Some kids are more prone to throwing a temper tantrum than others.

Learn more how to stop tantrums in 3 easy steps, here

Toddlers are trying to master the world and when they aren’t able to accomplish a task, they often use one of the only tools at their disposal for venting frustration – a tantrum. There are several basic causes of tantrums that are familiar to parents everywhere: The child is seeking attention or is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. In addition, tantrums are often the result of children’s frustration with the world. Frustration is an unavoidable part of kids’ lives as they learn how people, objects, and their own bodies work.

Tantrums are common during the second year of life, a time when children are acquiring language. Toddlers generally understand more than they can express. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.

Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach, which will make struggles less likely to develop over them. Distract your child. Take advantage of your little one’s short attention span by offering a replacement for the coveted object or beginning a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one. And choose your battles: consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn’t. Accommodate when possible to avoid an outburst.

Make sure your child isn’t acting up simply because he or she isn’t getting enough attention. To a child, negative attention (a parent’s response to a tantrum) is better than no attention at all. Try to establish a habit of catching your child being good (“time in”), which means rewarding your little one with attention and praise for positive behavior. This will teach them that acting appropriately makes mommy and daddy happy and proud, and they’ll be anxious to do it again and again.

Keep in mind the saying “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Respect is an attitude. Being respectful helps a child succeed in life. If children don’t have respect for peers, authority, or themselves, it’s almost impossible for them to succeed. A respectful child takes care of belongings and responsibilities, and a respectful child gets along with peers.

Schools teach children about respect, but parents have the most influence on how respectful children become. Until children show respect at home, it’s unlikely they will show it anywhere else.

How can you show respect to your child? If you do something wrong, admit it and apologize. Don’t embarrass, insult or make fun of your child. Compliment them and let your child make choices and take responsibility. Listen to your child’s side of the story before making a decision on an issue or problem. Be polite and use “please” and “thank you” when asking them to do things. Knock before entering your child’s room. Keep promises. Show your child that you mean what you say. And give your child your full attention.

And most important, teach your children that respect is earned. Make sure that you are leading by example and modeling respectful behavior. Be a law-abiding citizen. Show concern for your environment, animals and other people. Openly and honestly discuss exampled of witnessed disrespect.

In addition, teach your child to respect themselves. Self-respect is one of the most important forms of respect. Once we respect ourselves, it is easier to respect others.
Help them set and achieve goals. Encourage honesty and teach them that people make mistakes, and that they are the best way to learn.

Most importantly, praise your child often for good deeds, behaviors or traits, and tell them you love them at least several times each day. You’re sure to raise a child capable of giving and gaining respect.

Child Internet Protection

It can have adverse effects on the child. In fact such information may spoil the child. Today internet is easily accessible to children. Parents need to keep on what their children are doing when they are surfing the net.

The child internet protection act is a law that is passed by Congress to restrict children from accessing offensive content. This federal law was passed in December 2000 to address the problems that may arise due to precarious information that is available on the internet.

According to this law schools desiring internet connection through “E rate” program are required to satisfy some conditions. E rate programs make internet technology available to eligible libraries and schools in an affordable manner.

Under this act a school will get internet connection through E program if it has an internet safety policy and a technology protection measure such as internet software that blocks or filters pictures that are obscene and harmful to minors. The school is required to enforce a police for monitoring online activities of students. Schools need to implement a policy that addresses issues related to access of inappropriate internet mater.

The policy also needs to address issues about the security and safety of children when they are using chat rooms or any other form of electronic communication. The policy should also be aware of unauthorized access in the form of hacking and other illegal activities. The policy also needs to restrict access of minors from any kind of harmful material.

Schools wanting E rate funding are required to have a certificate stating that they are having safety internet policies. This act mentions that there is no need to keep a track of internet use as long as the school has installed the child internet protection software.

It is necessary to implement child internet protect in every school so as to protect children from unpleasant content. Future of the world lies in the hands of children. Hence, for a healthier environment in school, this law needs to be implemented. Child internet protection is possible by using child internet protection software. There are many companies offering child internet protection software. You can always take the help of internet to find the websites that provide list of companies offering child internet protection software.

Child internet protection software blocks successfully any garbage content. So if you have children in your house and you don’t want your kid to watch any precarious information on the internet then this can be achieved by installing child internet protection software. You can block offensive emails and instant messages with the help of child internet protection software.

You can also stop unauthorized access to your private information using this software. Generally, hackers try to access your private card number through the internet.

Parents

One of the parenting tips that work best is giving your children quantity and quality time. When you spend time with your kids, try to engage them in meaningful conversations. Try to build fun and healthy communications and relationships while the kids are young.

In many homes, parents do not really talk to their kids when they are young. But when the kids become teens, these parents desperately want to talk to their teens. But the opportunity is not there anymore. Try not to become average parents. According to statistics, an average American parent spends less than fifteen minutes a week in serious discussion with their children.

Practice and develop good habits. It is important that you push your kids to exercise their faith and put into action the lessons that they have received. For example, it is one thing to learn about charity and caring, but it is another thing to volunteer some time to visit nursing homes and serve the elderly. Or participate in building a house for the poor.

Aristotle, the famous Greek philosopher, said that virtues are acquired by the development of habits. At first it may feel like a duty to maintain good habits but it will become easier as time goes by, and soon they will exercise good habits effortlessly.

Be a good role model. It is hard trying to teach children something when we do not do it ourselves. When they hear you lying about something, what kind of message are you sending to your children? Because action speaks louder than words, your kids will probably imitate our good and bad habits more than listening to our words.

Be involved parents. Involved parents are parents who monitor their kids’ media consumption, know whether the teachings in school are in line with their values and are acquainted with their friends. You should have a good rapport with your kids. Nobody is perfect but the more you become involved in your children’s lives, the better your chances of raising them to be good citizens.

Have a strong and healthy relationship. Having a strong and healthy marriage or relationship is not only good for you but also for your children. A thriving family unit is a good deterrent for anti-social behavior.

One thing for sure: it is hard enough to raise a child with two parents, let alone a single parent. Research shows that two years after a divorce, many boys have trouble concentrating, do poorly on intelligence tests, and have difficulty with math. Should your relationship break down ensure that your children continue to have full support from both parents.

Get connected with other parents. We need support and encouragement from other parents and you’ll no doubt learn new parenting tips from them. It is good to know that you are not the only ones who may be struggling. You can encourage one another to hang in there and continue to do the right thing.

Parenting

Have you ever noticed that everything is a battle with your child? If it is, then one of three things is happening. Your child, you or both are in a competitive need cycle. What is a competitive need cycle?

As humans, we are all born with five basic needs that we are genetically programmed to attempt to meet. They are survival, love & belonging, power, freedom and fun. Without getting into the detail of the developmental model described in Nancy Buck’s book, Peaceful Parenting, power and freedom combine to make the competitive need cycle.

When people are in a competitive, need cycle they are most strongly driven by the need to gain more power and freedom in their lives. With a parent and child, this is typically represented by the parent refusing to consider to allow their child to do something. The parent is attempting to meet the power need by keeping his or her child safe and the freedom need by extricating him or herself from the worry of wondering about his or her child while the child would be engaged in the forbidden activity.

The child, on the other hand, is attempting to meet the power need by having new experiences and exploring the world and to meet the freedom need by gaining time away from restrictive parental supervision. When a parent and child are both in their competitive need cycle, naturally a power struggle ensues.

I have four examples of situations and possible solutions if you, the parent, are willing to consider focusing on your cooperative needs of love & belonging and fun instead. Why do you, the parent, have to be the one to it differently? Because it is you who are dissatisfied with the situation. Whose behavior can you control? Hopefully, you understand that you cannot control your child’s behavior as much as I know you’d like to at times. The only person’s behavior you can control is your own.

Since it is you and not your child who is reading this article, I’m talking to you about what you can do to improve the situation.

Staying focused on changing your child will only lead to your frustration and a break down of your relationship. You won’t be successful at long-term change in your child. He or she may acquiesce while in your presence but there won’t be the required internal motivation to change required for any long-term transformation. So, let’s look at what you do have control of—the way you respond to your child’s push to meet his or her power and freedom needs.

Rebecca:

The first situation I want to talk about involves ten year-old Rebecca. Rebecca’s parents came to me frustrated over the fact they were unsuccessful enforcing Rebecca’s bedtime and she would frequently be grumpy because of lack of adequate sleep. They also were hoping for some down time to spend some quality time with each other without children around.

After, evaluating what was really important, the parents spoke to Rebecca about no longer enforcing her bedtime. They explained that she could go to bed whenever she pleased as long as she was able to get up in the morning, get to school and be relatively pleasant with family members. However, there would be a household quiet time that would begin at 9 PM. At that time, everyone needed to be in his or her own bedrooms engaged in quiet activity.

These parents couldn’t wait to tell me how great it worked! Since Rebecca had no parents fighting with her to go to bed, she could no longer meet her power need fighting with them. Consequently, she began to go to bed when she got tired and stopped fighting sleep. Steve and Mary were able to get the quiet couple time they needed so everybody won.

Veronica:

The second situation involves my friend, Denise, and her daughter, Veronica. Veronica is 11 years-old and wanted to have her hair highlighted like all her friends do but Denise was opposed to the idea. While discussing the situation with me, Denise realized that she was concerned about the maintenance costs of highlights and the damage that will be done to her daughter’s beautiful hair if she starts applying chemicals to it at her early age. Of course, Denise had explained none of this to Veronica.

What she did say was, “No, you are too young to have your hair highlighted. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you should.” Does that sound familiar? What I suggested instead is that she tells Veronica her concerns.

Denise started by saying that she wanted to revisit their conversation about highlights. Denise agreed to Veronica’s initial request to be given the highlights as a birthday gift. But then, she asked Veronica what her plan was for upkeep. Denise explained that she would have to have the highlighting process done every two months or so and that it would cost approximately $60 each time. Denise offered to give Veronica money for helping out doing extra chores around the house.

Since Veronica had agreed to this before and failed in the follow through, Denise asked another question. She said, “Veronica, I know you have agreed to do extra chores in the past and you didn’t consistently follow through. If history repeats itself and you don’t have the money you need for the highlights, are you prepared for what your hair will look like once the roots grow out?”

She also discussed with Veronica the concern for the health of her hair. She said that starting to put chemicals into one’s hair at eleven did not bode well for maintaining healthy looking hair into adulthood.

Denise marveled at what happened next. She said that what had been a heated battle between them for months turned into a non-issue. Veronica decided she no longer wanted highlights in her hair. She realized that she probably won’t do the chores to earn the extra money needed and that she doesn’t want to look “weird” while her hair is growing out. It’s amazing what happens when we align ourselves with our opponent’s resistance. It’s a concept that has been taught in martial arts within the physical realm for centuries but it can easily be applied to the mental realm in parenting just as easily

Carrie:

The third scenario involved a mother’s horror when she learned what her eight year-old daughter had done. This mother, Linda, sent her daughter, Carrie, to swim camp. Carrie had been a swimmer for quite some time but this was the first time she was actually exposed to older swimmers at camp.

She learned from them that a good way to shave time off her record is to shave the hair off her entire body. Now what hair could an eight year-old have? It didn’t matter—Carrie was determined to shave everywhere except the hair on her head. Linda, in horror, forbids her to do it.

What was Linda concerned about? It was a multitude of things. First of all, her daughter was too young to start shaving. Secondly, she was concerned that if she began shaving, then her hair would grow back very dark and course. (Of course, this is an old wife’s tale that many of my generation was exposed to.)

Linda was shocked to learn that despite her refusal to allow Carrie to shave, Carrie later went into the bathroom, took a dry razor to her skin, and shaved anyway. Unbelievably, at her next swim meet, she had the best time of her short life to that point. Did shaving help her or was it the power of her belief that the shaving helped? I can’t answer that question. However, the point is that what actually happened was worse than the original fears Linda had about Carrie shaving.

Had Linda listened to the desires of her daughter and she was willing to consider the request, she may have spoken to a pediatrician and learned that her second fear was unfounded. Then she might have been able to assist Carrie to shave safely instead of with a dry razor and no supervision at all.

What parents often fail to realize is that just because they tell their child no does not mean that their child will dutifully obey. Often a “no” means that their child will proceed stealthily without parental permission anyway. When this occurs, the child is doing something the parent doesn’t approve of and the parent has no idea and therefore, no opportunity to discuss the possible dangers and concerns.

My Children & Their Friends:

I used to see this a lot when my boys were older. They would have friends whose parents were quite strict and would not give permission for them to attend parties where it was known there would be alcohol and no parental supervision. On the surface, this makes perfect sense. What responsible parent wants their child at a party drinking without any adults to intervene if there is a problem?

However, in refusing their child permission to go, what I often saw was that same child telling their parent that he or she was going to stay overnight at a friend’s house. Then that friend would tell his or her parents that he or she was going to stay at the first friend’s house. In essence, what resulted was two children out all night, doing God knows what, without any adult having any information about what was happening.

My approach with my children when they would want to go to a party was to discuss the things I was afraid of. If they had an explanation for what they would do to handle the problems about which I was concerned, then I would generally allow them to go. If they couldn’t address certain situations, then they would not be permitted to go until there was a reasonable plan in place to address my concerns.

The main things I was concerned about were not drinking and driving. What would they do if offered drugs? What would they do if someone showed dangerous signs of having too much? What would they do if violence broke out or things got out of hand? What would they do and what did they expect me to do if the party were raided by police? Over time, we discussed all of these situations so that I was satisfied that my children could handle them if they ever came up.

This resulted in me having peace of mind and generally, enough information about where my children were going to be and what they were going to be doing to satisfy me. It is not an easy way to parent and it sure doesn’t guarantee that your children will always make the best decision.

What it does do, however, is it stops making you the person your children have to fight in their attempts to get their needs met. It keeps your relationship with your children strong and influential. It allows you, as the parent, to discuss situations and possibilities you normally wouldn’t have the opportunity to discuss. In addition, it helps your children to become better decision makers, problem solvers and to anticipate circumstances before they arise.

Grateful

Here are some easy ways to incorporate instilling the virtue of gratitude in your children. As you go through your day, show them, the wonderful events going on behind the scenes that we all most usually take for granted.

1. Set the Right Example.

It is better if you teach them by using the appropriate words at the right times yourself.  How many parents do you see saying “Thank You” to there two or three year old children. It is through example that kids learn best, and teaching gratitude is no different than anything else in that respect. “Children Learn What They Live!”

2. Teach It Through Role Playing.

You can play games with your children that implement the virtue of gratitude. Play the second chair and practice showing them how it feels to be on the receiving end of an unexpected, “Thank You!”

3. Teach by Showing Them How to Be of Service to Others.

Even simple things such as holding a door for an elderly person, are small ways we can show them how others appreciate us and our actions. It is also a way to put a smile and a lift into a strangers day, which always creates a good feeling within the person who is doing the kind act as well.
You would be surprised how many times a simple gesture like this can occur in your normal day activities, in places like grocery stores, doctors offices, or shopping trips.

4. Make a List.

An easy way to get them to make lists of what they are thankful for is to use “The Daily Gratitude Journal Software” You will find a link to this software in the resource box at the end of this article. There are two versions, one written in “kid language and displaying an output of “kid fonts” and an adult version as well.
5. Teach Gratitude While Going Without Things.

Recently my single family of three kids and myself had to deal with a full 24 hours of no power. This outage caused by a wind storm, was an ideal opportunity for me to teach them what we had to be thankful for that we normally took for granted. Simple things like, lights, heat, and being able to watch Tv, were just a few that quickly came to mind.

6. Show them How to Be Thankful for the Little Things in Life.

As in the previous example, although, most of us would not consider heat and light little things, they are things that are always there for our kids, so they are simple things that they usually don’t pay much attention too.

Other simple examples could include; having food to eat all the time, friends to play with, and having plenty of toys and school supplies. Showing them examples of third world country children who go without these things is a way of teaching them appreciation for what they have, too.

7. Teach them to see the good in someone they don’t like.

You can even use a negative experience to teach them the value of being grateful. When I think of this, immediately what comes to my mind is the Walt Disney movie, “PollyAnna” where she played the “Glad” game and found many things to be grateful for in every situation she encountered. Renting this video, watching and discussing it with them would be a great, gratitude building quality time family activity.

As you go through your day, show them, the wonderful events going on behind the scenes that we all most usually take for granted. Things like the police, who protect us, the firemen who are there for those who need them, and the clerk at the grocery store doing her job to help us get our food. Simple thank you comments to all of these daily activities is the easiest way to role model appreciation that they will learn and emulate.

Autism child. by AFP PHOTO/LIU Jin

With all the recent publicity of Autism in the news you might be wondering what are the signs of Autism. Here are a list of signs that can be associated to Autism. If you see these signs in your child speak to their doctor about having them evaluated. The sooner that Autism is discovered the better the chances are at treating it.

1. Does not reach developmental milestones on time. Each child develops differently. Some children will crawl at four months while others will not until they are several months older. This can be perfectly normal. The problem starts when every milestone is much later than usual. If your child is not meeting the developmental stages talk with their doctor.

2. Child does not talk. Children learn to talk at different ages. Some will start talking very young  while others will just start blurting out whole sentences one day. This can be very normal. However if your child does not have any babbling type talk by the age of one this could be a cause for concern. Most children will says some words by the time they are sixteen months. If your child is not ask their doctor if they think an evaluation is necessary.

3. No eye contact.  Most babies and children will look at you when you are talking to them. Autistic children will often not give you eye contact. It will appear they are looking off into a daze instead of paying attention to you. They will not point to objects. They will not look at something you are trying to show them. Instead they look past it.

4. Child does not show emotion. Autistic children often do not show any emotion. They do not smile back when a person smiles at them. They do not show any cares when someone around them is expressing pain, or crying. The Autistic child does not usually like to be held or cuddled. They will not reach up for their parents to hold them.

5. Likes to play by their self. The Autistic child usually will play alone. They feel more comfortable being by them self. They have a hard time making friends. They do not know how to relate to other kids. They do not understand when another child is joking with them. They take everything said to them literally.

6. The child loses skills the knew. The child may have learned to talk and then it seems as if they forgot how. They can learn a new skill and then a week later have no idea how to do it. Autistic children often lose skills they have learned.

These are just a few of the signs of Autism. If you notice any of  them in your children talk to their doctor. All children with Autism will not have every sign. Getting them diagnosed as soon as possible will allow treatment to begin sooner. Getting your child evaluated as soon as you suspect a problem is very important. Even if there is nothing wrong it is better to be safe. The earlier treatment can be started the better for the child.

When I Was a Kid

We must eliminate from our minds a few phrases when we are making decisions about how we will be raising our kids. They are the sayings like: “When I was a kid…” and “If I had done that when I was a kid, my dad would have…” or “Back when we were in school they used to…”

Now, this may sound odd to you coming on the heels of our last article where we took the stand that as a nation, we need to “recapture the sound of our kids among us just like we used to up at old Fairview Hall.” There is an important distinction here. As parents we must never allow ourselves to fall into the trap of using “because it was done before,” or “it has always been that way,” or “that was the way my parents did it,” as the sole justification for our actions with our kids. It is imperative that we have a sound behavioral, moral, spiritual, ethical, or legal justifications for the actions we are teaching to or demanding of our children. We must be able to explain to our kids in a very logical way, why we are asking them to behave in a particular manner. In essence, we must not only decide: 1) WHAT it is that we want our kids to do but we must also decide, 2) WHY we want them to do it! “Because it was done to me,” is never a good enough reason to repeat it with our children.

There have been a ton of mistakes made in the past and we are doomed to repeat them if we are not careful to think long and hard about the justification for duplicating those actions with our kids. Following are a couple examples to demonstrate what we are talking about.

Two historical events demonstrate the obvious problems with doing what has always been done before. Slavery was common in early America. We certainly would not advocate the continuation of that practice today simply because it was done before. Neither would we teach our children that women should be second-class citizens in the United States even though they were not even legally recognized under the Constitution until the 19th Amendment was adopted in the early 20th century. Simply saying that women should not vote only because they never had in the past was a ludicrous idea.

Likewise, it is foolish for us to tell our children that they should wear certain types of clothing simply because that has been an appropriate style in the past. The same goes for hairstyles and many other standards and customs for behavior. Let’s look at establishing dress codes for kids.

We are not proposing abandoning all standards of dress for young people but rather, we are saying that we ought to make the standards logical and explainable in a reasoned sort of way and not just on the “If I had dressed that way my Dad would have killed me,” sort of an explanation.

We can have dress codes… but why do we have them is the critical question. Nobody, in their right mind would say that we scrap any sense of awareness of how our kids dress themselves. However, dressing in a certain way because a previous generation did is rather silly to impose upon our kids (unless, of course, we would like to go back and begin dressing like our forefathers who wrote that Constitution did, simply because “that’s the way they used to do it in this country.”) Hey, let’s get a few pictures of ourselves as teens and we can readily see that even we had some rather strange ways of dressing by today’s standards.

The issue is “why?” Why are we asking our kids to dress in certain ways?

Here is a possible discussion:

“But Dad, why can’t I dye my hair blue (wear spandex shorts to church, wear this provocative Jennifer Lopez top, use four letter words at the mall like the other kids, etc.)?”

“Well, my child, you probably could do that and in a perfect world it really wouldn’t matter. But, we do not live in a perfect world. We live in a world that has a few flaws: one of them being that most people in this world make a ton of snap judgments based upon some rather narrow preconceived ideas. It is a fact that most of the people you meet will not be able to see beyond the blue hair (or loud dress, etc.) to get to know you. Many of those same people are in a position to control the circumstances of your life or pass judgments about you that have a huge impact upon your life. For the same reason that it would be a bad idea to wear a ball cap to a funeral, it is a bad idea to dye your hair blue… most people would interpret it wrongly. A ball cap at a funeral would be viewed by most as being extremely disrespectful of the person being honored by the funeral. Blue hair would likewise be interpreted by most people as a sign of disrespect for others.”

“But dad, that’s just the point, I’m trying to show my individuality. I don’t want to just be like everyone else.”

“Great son, I am all in favor of you being a one-of-a-kind individual, but anyone can dye their hair. Why not distinguish yourself by being truly excellent at something? Or why not try to undo some terrible wrong done by society? Why not distinguish yourself by making the world a better place? I’d love to help you. What is the cause that you would like to choose? If the only way that you can come up with to make yourself different is dying your hair, I would be disappointed in you because you are such a unique person with so much to offer.”

Let us, as parents, become their teachers and give them some good solid reasons to choose to adjust their behavior in positive and productive ways simply because it makes sense to them.